The Joy and Pain of Adoption

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

To be honest, this subject feels a little heavy for us.  We have had the privilege of being a family built and shaped through adoption for 18 years now and it's been a journey marked with so much joy and gratitude for the gifts that our children are to our family.  I love our big, bustling crew and how our home is filled with laughter and how we get to celebrate the unique diversity and beauty of each of our children as well as their beautiful birth cultures.  It is such an honor to embrace all of it and something that we deeply cherish together.

That being said, while adoption is abundantly beautiful, it always starts with loss.  In the perfect world there would be no need for adoption and children would never be separated from their birth families.  Every adoptee will have their own journey and unique feelings and way of processing through their story.  Most adoptees will tell you that there's a considerable amount of grieving that happens at various stages of their life.  To not acknowledge the trauma that many of our children have walked through and the impact that it has on them would not honor them.  And so while we celebrate the gift that a month like this is, we also recognize the loss that our children had to endure before coming into our home.  Everyone deals with pain in their own way and our goal is to always be as supportive as possible while honoring each of our kids' stories which is private to them and sacred to us.

And so we hold the tension of two truths at the same time - that adoption is both beautiful and redemptive and full of goodness and joy and also that adoption is costly and painful at times.  Sending our love and support to all who walk this path, both adoptees and their adoptive families.  May you sense the overwhelming love and peace of God towards you and sense His nearness in every season of your life.  We are so grateful for this community here and the way we are able to encourage and support each other on our unique journeys.

Answers on the Fly

One of my favorite Sundays of the year is when we do Answers on the Fly: Live Q&A via texting. 

Instead of a regular sermon with notes, we invite the audience to instead text-in questions anonymously that I then answer live on stage. 

It creates a safe place for people to wrestle with their faith while keeping me sharp and on my toes!  Everyone loves the accessibility and trust this creates (i.e. "This guy really does know what he's talking about!").

For what it's worth, here's our latest Answers on the Fly featuring questions about Yeshua, abortion, LGBTQ issues, and more!

Dealing with Church Factions That Rise Up

Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them.
He said:

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,

    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn,

    for they will be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek,

    for they will inherit the earth.

It’s hard to be meek when factions rise up within a church.  We get wrapped up in factions.

FACTIONS - When there is a pile-up of disgruntled people who build up a case that becomes a driving fantasy.  Driven by the “What If?”

Factions live their lives on something that has not happened.  It takes great skill to deal with factions, this is why we have Therapists!  Sometimes we can’t get resolution, just accept it.

• Give up the right to be treated right.

Anger is secondary to a Hurt.  Body is so hyped that it FEELS helpless, resentment, fear and anxiety.  This is Paranoia.

When there is trauma, the body becomes hypersensitive – Your body wants OUT of this!  You move from prudence to paranoia.

People will try to FOG you: Fear, Obligation, and Guilt.  You can’t drive forward when your windshield is fogged up!  If I can get you to feel one of these three feelings,  I can control and manipulate you.

Ex: Small children and parents

Students and substitute teachers

Elderly parents and adult children

Politicians and the public

To avoid being manipulated, practice DeFogging – Clarity is kindness.  “Now it’s clear.  Now I’m free.”

Clarity assigns responsibility so you can forgive.

If you can’t forgive, you’re stuck.

The goal is clarity – Learn to accept real expectations.  Live with it.  Sometimes you get validation, sometimes not.

Every feeling has a THOUGHT attached to it: “My right to be treated right is violated.”

This leads to Hostility and Harshness - the Law of the Jungle.

MEEKNESS is the opposite of Harshness.

Gentle and kind is not natural.  But it allows God’s supernatural work into your soul.

Philippians 2

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

7 rather, he made himself nothing

    by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,

    being made in human likeness.

8 And being found in appearance as a man,

    he humbled himself

    by becoming obedient to death—

        even death on a cross!

9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

    and gave him the name that is above every name,

10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,

    to the glory of God the Father.

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[c] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. 17 But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18 So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

Jesus became MEEK rather than HOSTILE.

You have to give up your right to be treated right.

Rights are things you can’t control because you can’t control the other person.

REPLACE your right to be treated right with God’s Promises!

This leads to God’s power in your life – resurrection of good things out of factions.

Don’t fight for your natural rights and watch God bless through His supernatural economy.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Dealing with Infertility

One of the most taboo subjects in the Church is wrestling with infertility.

1 in 8 couples will discover they are infertile, meaning there are a lot of people in our pews silently suffering.

To that end, we recently addressed this topic in a raw and real venue with both myself and my wife taking the stage.

Overcoming Rejection

Have you ever felt rejected?
Have you ever been cut out of a friendship circle?
Has a church wounded you deeply in the past?

If so, this message might be encouraging and helpful.

#FromPainToPurpose

One Way Missionaries

“The spirit of Christ is the spirit of missions. The nearer we get to Him, the more intensely missionary we become.” — Henry Martyn, missionary to India and Persia.

There was an era of missionary zeal around the turn of the 19th century that bred a group who became known as One-Way Missionaries. When they departed for the mission field, they packed all of their belongings into a coffin and bought one-way tickets because they knew they’d never return home.

A.W. Milne was one of those missionaries. He felt called to a tribe of headhunters in the New Hebrides. All the other missionaries to this tribe had been martyred, but Milne didn’t shrink back into safe Christianity.

Milne did not fear for his life because he had already died to himself.

His coffin was packed.

He served in the New Hebrides for more than fifty years. The tribe buried him and wrote the following words on his tombstone:

“When he came there was no light. When he left there was no darkness.”

What an incredible inscription of someone’s life.

Imagine what the church would look like today if every single follower of Christ exhausted their lives to reach more people far from God.

The Underground Church: Nepal

The Underground Church: Nepal

Filmed on-location at global sites funded in part by Life Church.

How to Quickly Reach People Far From God

I’m not concerned about being criticized for taking risks to reach people far from God.  I’m concerned about not being criticized.

Recently I was invited to teach a breakout session at a conference in Chicago based on my book, Holy Shift.  The topic was so popular among church leaders that we ran out of seats!

I had fun sharing my journey in comedy and ministry, the unique story God is writing at Life Church Michigan, and equipping church leaders in my jam-packed breakout with comedy tools that will help them reach more people far from God.

Because I love church leaders and I want to see you go further, faster, here is the full video as a free resource to your team!