We often think about what our team owes us -- what we expect from them.
But there are four things we owe them, as well:
1) GRACE: Not expecting them to be perfect.
2) HONESTY: Shooting straight and being transparent.
3) PROPER PLACEMENT: A place where they can thrive.
4) PRAYER: This opens our hearts to them and provides wisdom and insight to love them.
Marines get stuff done.
They face impossible missions yet always prevail.
2 Timothy 2:1-6 tells leaders to think like a Marine.
During a recent Leadership Coaching Session, I shared 8 Leadership Lessons from the Marine Corp: Common Sense Principles for Success.
I hope these 8 Leadership Lessons encourage you and your team to fearlessly lead your church to grow!
KEEPING IT R.E.A.L.
I recently learned this acronym from a leader I’ve looked up to for as long as I can remember. He says that everything he does, he does through the lens of R.E.A.L. It stands for Relationship, Equipping, Attitude, and Leadership. Let’s explore how to lead and live life through this lens.
R - Relationship
VALUE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
All of life flows from relationships. You can’t do life RIGHT if you do people WRONG. Protect your relationships, treat everyone with kindness, and make it easy for others to be your friend.
E - Equipping
LIVE A LIFE OF EQUIPPING OTHERS
Your values must be aligned with your behavior. You can say equipping people is your value, but how are you showing it? Remember, you are equipped to resource people!
A - Attitude
SURRENDER YOUR ATTITUDE TO JESUS
We’ve heard it before, but it’s so true - your attitude determines your altitude. Ask yourself today: am I known for having a great attitude?
L - Leadership
BE A LEADER THAT EMPOWERS OTHERS
Everything rises and falls on leadership. Work to build leaders, not followers. Leaders are built when they are empowered and given authority. Successful leadership says more about the leader when they are gone than when they are present.
Ask yourself: how am I doing in these 4 areas?
I know I have work to do in each one, but I’m making the choice to lead from the lens of R.E.A.L.!
1 Timothy 5: “Do not lay hands on a man suddenly.” Any staff hire is a very important, sobering decision. Be slow to hire.
You want to hire someone who is focused on the TOWEL, not the TITLE. You are here to SERVE.
Character — Not just about morality. Look at their work ethic, faithfulness, integrity.
Competency — Are they all hat, no cattle?
Culture — Do they fit well within your existing culture?
Chemistry — Likeability Factor. Do you enjoy being around this guy?
Calling — Look for the fingerprint of God on the hire of that person.
Capacity for Leadership — Can they grow with the role and the growth of the church? Can they reproduce themself and become a multiplier, not a maintainer?
Understanding this will save you a lot of heartache.
Think of your church like a bus with stops along the way. What happens at a bus stop? Some people get on and some people get off.
There will be significant transition points as your church grows.
When this happens, remind yourself that this is just all part of the process of church planting.
Don’t lose perspective. Your “loss” may actually be a huge win!
Some folks need to get off the bus.
Why do people leave your church?
Sometimes staff will leave you because the responsibilities have grown beyond their capacity to grow with the role.
They may outgrow the responsibilities. Your job is to always make sure your staff are being challenged.
They may lack the character / competence / chemistry required to stick with it.
They may not want to do the spiritual and emotional work in order to grow.
Unexpected circumstances arise in life. Think seasons. Life happens in seasons.
Faithful in the little before being faithful with much.
Make sure they have been tested.
This doesn’t always work: people fool you. Potential staff will lie to you to get a job.
Be very careful in giving out titles… You can’t take it back.
It doesn’t feed your ego, it fits your function.
For some churches the only time the Staff has a party is when someone leaves. When is the last time you had a party with the people who STAY?
Sometimes God calls you to go but often God calls you to STAY!
Sometimes someone goes and it’s a good thing. Sometimes someone goes and it’s painful. Sometimes people go when they shouldn’t and you can see the truck that’s about to hit them, but they won’t listen to you.
Loss leads to Grief, which can confuse people. Be prepared for the grief. You love the person, you’ve invested in them for years.
When you feel grief, don’t beat yourself up about it. Allow yourself to experience and feel.
Information Void can crank up a church gossip grapevine: “What’s happening behind the scenes?”
This happens when there is too much of time that passes between their decision and the communication.
It is foolish to allow departing staff to announce their departure.
Provide information to fill any potential void. SOMEBODY is going to tell ‘the story.’ You need to protect the health of your church as it continues moving forward.
Help them process, give them assurance.
How can we improve for next time?
What can I learn from this?
How can this make me better?
When someone says they want to leave, let them.
Don’t drag it out or they will drag people down with them.
When they say they want to leave, their heart has already left.
Be generous in their transition.
Err on the side of grace, not pettiness.
Oftentimes people who leave will talk badly about you behind your back. Be gracious.
“This new place is amazing!” Which means your place wasn’t.
At some point real life will kick in and they’ll stop.
Weather their honeymoon. You don’t need it in your spirit.
If it’s getting to you, delete the app.
Social media can feed a failure mentality.
Don’t Think You’re the Only Person This Happens To.
This is the secret: don’t get discouraged. Fight it.
People WILL leave your church.
Staff members WILL betray you.
Don’t give air to fear.
Pruning leads to better fruit and a better future.
Get up and keep going by faith.
Sometimes you have to wait 11 years to see someone who left in a bad way come back in repentance.
If you’re leaving a church, get planted somewhere. Don’t wander.
When you get planted somewhere, be a son or daughter of that House.
Be an honorable, loyal, ethical, trusting Christian. Integrity matters. Honor your former pastor. Don’t go bush-league.
If you’re leaving a church, do not play the “God told me” game.
Don’t run from your issues! Your next church won’t change things. Geography doesn’t fix your problems.
Remember whose spiritual platform you have been using and you have been benefiting from. You were LOANED a platform. Never take the power and trust.
Never steal sheep.
Never steal staff. That is unethical behavior.
Fulfill your commitments. Don’t cut and run. That only hurts God’s people.
Leave your assigned area of responsibility stronger, not weaker.
Encourage commitment and faithfulness to the House that you’re leaving.
Watch your words, non-verbals and your actions on the way out… …because God is.
THE THREE STRUGGLES OF PASTORS
- by Chad Graves -
In the last week I have had meetings with multiple pastors. It has been a reminder and an eye-opener. Pastors all over the country are dealing with intense stress. Recently, 3 different churches asked me if I knew of anyone I would recommend as a possible candidate for them. Many churches are without pastors.
I will repost something I worked on a couple of years ago below. Pastors, if you are reading this, I hope this is helpful to know you are not alone.
Pastors tend to have three struggles:
The struggle with people.
The struggle with self.
The struggle with God.
These three struggles and how you respond to them will determine the length of your tenure.
The average tenure for a pastor is just around 3 years at a local church. The average tenure of a man’s pastoral ministry is ten years according to some research.
I have been interviewing pastors and studying what a pastoral tenure looks like over the years. These Interviews range from pastors who have been in ministry 37 years to men who have burned out to fresh new pastors in their first years.
I think these are common stages in most pastorates:
The Honeymoon Question:
Can you believe we get to do this?
The Titus 1:5 Question:
How am I going to address issues?
The Loss of Innocence Question:
How can God bless such brokenness?
The Harvest Question:
Will success or failure become my identity?
The Team Building Question:
Who will be invited to the table?
The Crisis of Self Question:
What do I do when I am at the end of myself?
The Decision Question:
Will I Keep Doing this?
The Boredom Question:
Is this it?
The Emptiness Question:
Why has this become so painful to do?
The Sustained Question:
Will I be faithful?
The Mentoring Question:
Will I leverage my influence?
The Legacy Stage Question:
Will I finish well?
Well I hope this helps. I love pastors.
May God help them as they faithfully continue.
In 2020 (one week before the world shut down because of COVID), I was invited to The White House for a Special Briefing for Leaders of Faith.
Here are 3 principles I learned while at The White House…
We’re a big tent -- we welcome everybody here! That means we fight for our unity: no gossip, no griping, we just don’t have time for that:
"But the one who slanders you behind your back
proves that he’s a fool, never to be trusted. If you keep talking, it won’t be long
before you’re saying something really wrong.” (Proverbs 10:18-19)
"Words that bring delight pour from the lips of the godly,
but the words of the wicked are duplicitous.” (Proverbs 10:32)
"When you act with presumption,
convinced that you’re right,
don’t be surprised if you fall flat on your face!
But walking in humility helps you to make wise decisions.” (Proverbs 11:2)
I love our church because we’re in this together -- We follow God, we trust our spiritual leaders, and we roll up our sleeves to make a difference for time and eternity.
We want to unite as many people as possible as quickly as possible under the Jesus Flag through our Midland and Saginaw Campuses.
A life lived loving God bears lasting fruit,
for the one who is truly wise wins souls.” (Proverbs 11:30)
Security at The White House was TIGHT -- Secret Service was everywhere!
I discovered that it is very hard to get access to the Most Powerful Person on Earth.
Not so with God -- We have 24/7 access with no K-9’s and no Secret Service!
"The one who walks in integrity
will experience a fearless confidence in life.” (Proverbs 10:9)
Wow, aren’t those words great?
Don’t we all just want a fearless confidence in our everyday life?
Spending time with God fuels up our faith and trust in Him!
"Lovers of truth follow the right path
because of their wonderment and worship of God.” (Proverbs 14:2-4)
“The words of the wise
will become a shield of protection around them.
The only clean stable is an empty stable.
So if you want the work of an ox and to enjoy an abundant harvest,
you’ll have a mess or two to clean up!” (Proverbs 14)
God loves when we gather together -- We gather on Sundays because that’s the day Jesus rose.
Sometimes we’re going to make messes together -- and that’s okay!
Proverbs says that the only CLEAN stable is an EMPTY stable --- look around you, this place is not empty!
As we all fumble forward in our faith, let’s give each other a break… let’s show each other grace as we are all learning together what it looks like to follow Christ day by day.
"To worship God in wonder and awe
opens a fountain of life within you,
empowering you to escape death’s domain.” (Proverbs 14:27)
I went to a White House Briefing -- It was all “Off the Record” -- Y’know, sometimes it is Hard to get clear info from Politicians!
Book of Proverbs = God is crystal clear with wisdom that applies to everyone, everywhere!
"Wisdom soothes the heart of the one with living-understanding,
but the heart of the fool just stockpiles stupidity.” (Proverbs 14:33)
The Bible has a term for the person who refuses wise counsel: “fool." (Prov 12:15)
When we refuse to listen, when we dodge the truth, when we insist on having our own way, we are fools.
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." (Prov. 9:10)
Wisdom begins with the recognition of who God is.
Wisdom begins when we recognize that God is God and then respond accordingly.
"Lovers of God hunger after truth,
but those without understanding
feast on foolishness and don’t even realize it.” (Proverbs 15:14)
"Go ahead and make all the plans you want,
but it’s the Lord who will ultimately direct your steps.
We are all in love with our own opinions,
convinced they’re correct.
But the Lord is in the midst of us,
testing and probing our every motive.
Before you do anything,
put your trust totally in God and not in yourself.
Then every plan you make will succeed.
The Lord works everything together to accomplish his purpose.” (Proverbs 16:1-5)
1. PATIENCE
If you get too frustrated with the process, you’ll quit the mission God has given you.
Just because you were patient one season, doesn’t mean you’ll be patient in the next.
The patience you use for yourself should be the patience you use for others.
2. CONFRONTATION
Confrontation is necessary for growth.
When done well, it’s an opportunity to BUILD trust.
If you tolerate things that are against your values, it says more about you than the other person.
3. RISK TAKING
Anytime you step out to do something great, you have to count the cost.
Great leaders are willing to take this risk rather than play it safe.
4. RECRUITING
If you’re a good recruiter, you can SEE in others what they cannot see in THEMSELVES!
Great leadership builds up great people without needing any of the credit.
5. ATTITUDE
There are many things in leadership you can’t control, but what you CAN control is your attitude.
A leader with a great attitude can lead through any situation.
6. EMPOWERING
You can recruit, but can you give away and delegate responsibilities?
The day of the lone ranger is done, the superhero in leadership is the one that empowers others!
Conflict is a good thing. Any time you work with people, you can expect there to be some level of conflict. Most of us shy away from it, but it can actually lead to great team chemistry and trust. The consequences of not resolving conflict will always be greater than the reward. I would rather live in the small reward of conflict resolution than the vast consequences of never coming to resolution.
Here are 4 things that conflict creates when resolved in a healthy way:
1. CONFLICT CREATES TRUST
Avoiding conflict creates mistrust.
The pillars of a strong relationship are trust, communication, and respect. When I confront issues with people, it should build trust. We are choosing to not air out our grievances behind their back, but are willing to go straight to the source and provide constructive feedback.
Establish trust by being a leader that confronts issues. Commit to working through differences and being someone that builds them up.
2. CONFLICT CREATES CLARITY
Avoiding conflict creates questions.
Clarity eliminates confusion. Great leaders address the eggshells and clarify the ‘why’ and the expectations. Part of leadership is providing the guardrails that people live and lead within. Clarity brings safety.
Establish clarity by confronting issues when they happen and clarifying expectations or how their decision affected you.
3. CONFLICT CREATES CHEMISTRY
Avoiding conflict creates awkwardness.
Conflict and resolution should lead to more trust which should lead to more chemistry. Any time I’ve had tough conversations with people, I leave feeling more connected. Remember this: You are one conversation away from solving the issue. Maybe your team lacks chemistry because there’s no confrontation.
Establish chemistry by having tough conversations and holding others accountable.
4. CONFLICT CREATES CREATIVITY
Avoiding conflict limits our ability to find a solution.
Most of us get stuck because we’re unwilling to address the issue. But when you confront the issue - whether it be with a person, finances, family, etc. - you can inspect the reality of the situation so that you can get creative in how to address it and move forward.
Establish creativity by being open enough to address the issue and look at it from a different perspective.
Ultimately, the better we become at conflict resolution, the healthier our lives will be. Make it a goal for yourself to close the gap between your conflict and solutions. When we address the small things, it gives us the confidence to address the big things.