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Recognizing the Dreaded Signs of Church Splits & Why They Happen
Nobody enjoys a car wreck, but we all inevitably slow down in traffic to peer out the window as we drive by, attempting to ascertain what happened and to (hopefully) learn something that will prevent such a tragedy from happening to us.
With over 20 years of full-time ministry under my belt (plus another 20+ as a pastor's kid), I've seen my share of ugly wrecks in church world. I'm sure you've also heard the stories -- usually whispered around a kitchen table -- of a minor church disagreement erupting into a full-blown church split that affects lives and livelihoods, leaving a black eye on the local Body of Christ.
The stories of church splits are never fun. Real people get hurt. Reputations are slandered. Hurt and heartache can echo for years due to unhealed wounds. And nobody wins: not the church of origin nor the newly formed congregation that results from a church split.
Perhaps by looking at one church split story, we can all learn how to better guard our unity within the church that Christ bled for (Acts 20:28).
This story is my story. You see, during an already-chaotic 2020, I went through a church split as the lead pastor (and founding pastor) of a church I love dearly.
I barely survived the trauma of what one of my counselor's diagnosed as a "mass casualty event" (Yes, I said counselors plural. Even pastors need therapy to ensure they are emotionally-healthy.).
The first thing you should know about church splits is this: at the time of this church split, even though I was the Founding Pastor, I had no idea what was happening behind my back.
My wife and I were not privy to the cruel whispers and private gossip sessions engulfing our staff team and then spilling out into the membership during the COVID lockdowns.
Looking back, I wish there was some sort of ministry alarm that would go off and alert a lead pastor when he is in danger of facing a church split. But, there isn't one. You usually have no idea that a church split is happening under your nose until after it has already occurred and the damage has been done.
My wife and I were completely taken by surprise. We were focused on the primary crisis of navigating COVID lockdowns and frantically fundraising for our staff team. During a crisis when I was putting out fires from COVID, I would look behind me for a bucket of water to be handed up to me... only to realize there was nobody behind me helping.
During this insane season of the COVID crisis now layered with an internal insurrection, I thought and truly believed that a minor misunderstanding at the staff level could be easily resolved with one honest and simple 5 minute conversation (and I still believe that to this day!).
Unfortunately, when you're the lead pastor and staff members try to hijack the church out from under you, behind-the-scenes conversations and condemnations move quickly behind the pastor's back and rumors can spread like wildfire on Facebook.
So, in the interest of helping church leaders who read this blog and sparing you from the immense pain and hurt and betrayal of a church split in the future, allow me to ask and answer the main question: What is the cause of church splits?
In a word: factions.
Factions arise when there is a pile-up of disgruntled people who build up a case that becomes a driving fantasy.
Factions are driven by the What If:
"What if my assumptions are correct?"
"What if the rumors I've heard are true?
"What if my pastor - the same guy who led me to Christ and baptized me - what if he is actually a rotten person?"
Factions sadly live their lives on something that has not actually happened.
Factions thrive on anger. Why anger?
When someone is hurt or experiences pain in their life, the person will often seek to numb the inward pain with outward anger.
Anger is always secondary to a deeper hurt. Anger allows the brain to release key hormones that soothe and numb the pain.
When someone is driven by anger, they can become emotionally-flooded. This makes peaceful resolution difficult. Perhaps this is why the Apostle Paul wrote:
"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently." (Galatians 6:1)
When angry people pile-up, you have a faction. Factions are very manipulative and will often warp facts to fit their narrative. Because anger arousal is high, it is difficult for the faction to parse facts from fiction.
This is why the Scriptures warn believers against bitterness:
"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15)
When factions form, conflict is inevitable.
The Solution
The solution involves honest, gospel-centered conversation:
"Contrary to our instincts, hard conversations usually don't kill relationships.
They save them.
It's choosing the short, life-saving pain of surgery over the long-term, fatal pain of cancer."
(Josh Howerton)
Galatians 6:1 and Matthew 18:15-17 say to go to our brother.
Ephesians 4:25-27 says to go without delay.
If a faction shuns/ghosts/refuses you, you can still forgive them.
Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice.
You have the rightful choice to untether your heart from their hurt.
"You can forgive even if the person who wronged you is unrepentant.
You can repent even if the person you've wronged won't forgive you.
But there can be no reconciliation without repentance from the wrong and forgiveness from the wronged."
(Jared Wilson)"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
(Ephesians 4:3)
At the church I love, we have decided on three proactive approaches to head off the forming of any future factions.
For what it's worth, here is what we have learned from this heartbreaking experience:
1. We will always choose conversation over condemnation.
2. We will always seek to maintain the relationship over trying to win an argument.
3. We will always speak with honesty, not hypocrisy.
And as always, I choose to remain open and ready to meet with anyone, anytime, anywhere with a humble heart and a listening ear.
WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A GREAT CHURCH CAMPUS LEADER
What it takes to be a GREAT Campus Leader
BIG IDEA: Campus Leaders have Hustle + Intensity about the Total Guest Experience
Hustle = Self-Led
CHASES Jesus on their own with passion
INITIATIVE - Does not need constant motivation
Jon would rather REIGN IN a STALLION
than MOTIVATE a MULE!Secure as a Son of the House (Old Testament Idea)
- Son of the House > Hired Hand
- As the House spreads out, the Sons have to protect the UNITY of the House
- Heart of an Heir; Understands their role in the House
- What we can do TOGETHER is GREATER than what we can do APART!
- A Son is not focused on their title or accolades.
- A Son understands their inheritance is in the future.
- A Son works HARDER because they are a Son, not a Hired Hand
- Hired Hands wants a paycheck; Sons sacrifice for what’s best for the House.
- Sons have the right HEART AttitudeCampus Leaders are not trying to build their OWN thing because they are HEIRS to the WHOLE thing!
2. Hustle + Intensity = Able to Gather More People to the Cause
Sons draw MORE people into the House; Employees draw people to themselves.
Charisma -- You gotta be likeable + Plant yourself where the Guests are!
Become Intensely Hyper about what Guests FEEL when they arrive.
We want every Guest to feel like a million bucks!
You must be the SPARK that inspires your teams to love + serve Guests!
Law of the Lid = YOU are the Lid of your campus. If you are only a 7, expect your volunteers to rise to 5’s or 6’s.
Humor Over Hammer -- Leverage a fun personality to connect with Guests and in High Touch during the weekdays. People are attracted to fun-loving people!
Make The Ask -- Many people are just waiting for YOU to DIRECTLY and CLEARLY ask them to join in!
3. Hustle to Empower People
You can have Control or Growth, but you can’t have BOTH.
Give away ministry -- Ephesians 4:12: “Equip the Lifers for ministry!”
It takes security to let go -- Success is having MORE volunteers on the team!
Make sure your new team members FEEL equipped -- double-check/over-communicate training resources and that YOU are cheering for them!
Empowered people have OWNERSHIP and are ALL IN!
Empowered people meet new friends and develop relationships. Every first-time guest wants to feel known, first by YOU and then by OTHERS.
Guests need 7 new friends in 6 months in order to STAY at your campus.
4. Reproduce Yourself
You are a Paul, recruit a Timothy (Ready Now) and a Titus (Ready in 6 Months).
Tools I Use
Staying organized is a constant battle when you're leading a growing church.
For what it's worth, there are several tech tools that I've discovered which make my life happy.
Here are the tools I use.
1. REMARKABLE
I am a HUGE notetaker and constantly am churning through Moleskins. The problem I have is keeping my various notes organized by subject and having no way to quickly access my notes digitally.
Enter ReMarkable. Last year I invested in a ReMarkable 2 to reduce my clutter and, WOW, it does not disappoint! ReMarkable 2 is a paper tablet, meaning unlike an iPad, it's sole purpose is to focus on the handwriting of notes and keep everything you write organized digitally.
No web browser. No email. No apps. Just taking notes.
And it works beautifully. Having ADHD, this device helps me focus with zero pop-ups. While it syncs over wifi, there are no enticing distractions of surfing the web because there is no web browser. Brilliant!
The experience of writing on my ReMarkable feels JUST LIKE I'm writing in my Moleskin! I can't explain it -- the surface of the tablet is durable yet, unlike an iPad, it doesn't feel like I'm tracing on a glass veneer.
Further, I have the ability of creating Folders and Notebooks, so organizing my thoughts and work becomes second nature. Everything syncs with my Dropbox and my handwritten notes can be automatically converted into text... I can even email them out from my device!
I can also import PDF's to write on and as I find articles online that I want to save and read later, a simple MacBook Chrome Extension sends the entire news article to my ReMarkable without all the annoying internet ads!
Get this: the battery lasts for WEEKS, which is something that gives Apple a run for its money.
Another new feature I enjoy is Screen Share. I can send my ReMarkable's screen into Zoom meetings or onto a separate viewer screen and draw diagrams or sketch out pictures for everyone to see.
The only thing I disliked in my experience was the Folio for storing my ReMarkable (the Folio was a separate purchase). My magnetic marker wouldn't stay attached when transporting my Folio in my briefcase and I found myself constantly fishing around the bottom of my bag to find my ReMarkable Marker.
That said, I highly recommend the ReMarkable 2.
If you use this referral link, you and I both win.
2. SUBSPLASH
Our church is 3.5 years into our relationship with Subsplash for our website, App and giving strategies. I continue to be impressed with Subsplash's fast customer service and the constant roll-out of new digital products that we quickly put into use at Life Church.
Without a doubt, Subsplash boasts the most robust Media Solutions I have ever seen in over twenty years of digital ministry. Uploading videos of our messages is a breeze (and automatic if you use Subsplash Live).
Podcasting and cross-posting to our church App is simple and seamless with Subsplash's user-friendly Dashboard. New topic and Scripture tags help to catalogue past message series for viewers to find what they are looking for.
We've also made the switch to Subsplash Giving which offers us the cheapest solution for online giving. Seriously, I did the math. The percentage paid to Subsplash is the smallest amount compared to what you have to pay PushPay, Tithely, and all the other online giving platforms. A fun bonus feature is that Subsplash keeps track of how much money you're saving and they give you what they call Growth Curve Credits throughout the year... free money for your church!
Subsplash is a little pricey on the front end, but I promise you it's worth every penny.
I'm not being paid to promote any of these tools, but if you want to switch to Subsplash, use this referral link which will give you a little referral discount while putting a little coin in Life Church's piggy bank.
3. STICKERMULE
This simple website is amazing! Whenever I need bumper stickers or magnets, Sticker Mule is my favorite place to order from. After all, who doesn't love a little animated donkey mascot?!
One cool feature on Sticker Mule is the free Trace tool. Simply upload your favorite photo and Trace will automatically crop out the background, giving you a crisp digital cut-out of the person featured in your photo for download use!
Give Sticker Mule a try and get $10 off your first order using this Sticker Mule link.
NEW EYE-OPENING NATIONAL CHURCH STATS
Before the quarantine, the median worship attendance was 65. Today it is 55. In 2000, the median worship attendance was 137. In 2010 it was 105. In 2020 it was 65. Today it is 55. Median worship attendance has declined by 60% in two decades.
The occupancy rate of worship centers was 33% before the quarantine. Today it is 28%. The median size of a worship center is 200. If the church has more than one service, the occupancy rate is even lower.
The median year of church founding was 1950 before the quarantine. That has not changed. Simply stated, we have not started enough churches to move the median founding date significantly in many years. New churches and new sites are imperative strategies for churches today.
The median income of churches was $120,000 before the quarantine. That has not changed.
The percentage of churches with an attendance under 100 before the quarantine was 65%. Today it is 75%. As a point of comparison, the percentage of churches with an attendance under 100 in 2000 was 45%. We are fast becoming a nation of small churches.
Developing Leaders
Listen, nothing is going to work in your church if EVERYTHING has to go through you.
Like sands sifting through an hourglass, you will become the middle squeeze that slows everything down.
In Numbers 11, Moses grew frustrated in leadership. He even started to see his people as a BURDEN instead of a BLESSING!
If that's you, it's time to develop more leaders:
Carve out strategic time to take out an emerging leader for coffee and pour into them.
Film a quick 2 minute video on one big idea and post it in a private Facebook Group for your invite-only leaders.
Remember that when I do a job for others, I take a job from others!
If you're waiting around for "the right people" to appear in your church, well, keep waiting.
Because the nasty little secret is that "the right people" are actually FOUND and DEVELOPED!
You can do it, I can help.
Hit me up at https://ChurchGrowth.Network and see what God can do through you!
PUTTING DOWN THE HAMMER
Reading Luke at the moment. Gotta love Jesus.
Puts down the hammer aged 30 (Luke 3:23) and, in his distinctive northern accent announces he's the long hoped for Messiah (4:21). He's like a car mechanic from rural Ukraine telling the crowd he's destined for world domination.
In Luke 5 he starts recruiting for his kingdom and heads straight for the docks to head hunt a few unsuccessful fishermen, next a leper, then a paralysed man, then the most despised wretch in the region, a tax collector. The religious authorities object but he brushes them off.
"I'm not here to police spiritual health," he says, "I'm a doctor for the sick." And on he goes, doing his rounds, healing the sick, forgiving sinners, lifting the lowly and blasting the lofty. They eventually catch up with him and do their worst but he doesn't make a peep.
He spreads his arms to the world, bleeds for his enemies, prays "Father, forgive" and he's dead and buried aged 33. Turns out though the Jesus movement did not die. Far from it. Turns out a carpenter from Nazareth has done exactly what he said he'd do: take over the world.
Don't know if you believe in miracles but 'water into wine' has nothing on this. How do you turn godforsaken execution into world domination? Whatever you think of miracles, Jesus has pulled off a marvel far greater than water into wine.
Christianity rose from death in the first century. To believe that Christ himself rose is not to add to the list of improbable events you affirm. It is to explain events that would otherwise be baffling. The man on that cross has built our world—we can see that culturally.
We live inside that miracle today. And Christians say: He made our world because he is Maker. And what a Maker!—a carpenter from Nazareth surrounded by nobodies and no-hopers. But his movement grows today. He's still recruiting. Pick up Luke and read. The Doctor will see you.
- Glen Scrivener
LOVING THE DYING
Last Spring I started serving as a Hospice Chaplain in addition to serving at Life Church. With my ADHD, choosing to do chaplaincy visitations is not my strongest gifting. It’s part of a huge shift I’ve intentionally made in my life and leadership.
My reasons for serving the terminally ill and dying in this way is two-fold. The first reason is because I have felt deeply challenged by Bob Goff to live out Matthew 25: “Love is sacrifice and commitment. Jesus wants us to love hungry people, thirsty people, naked people, sick people, strange people and people in jail. That’s it. That’s what I’m trying to do. It’s a weird business card. I want to help people.”
One way Amber have lived this out over the years is by adopting five infants and creating a new kind of family. Now I am embracing hospice chaplaincy to also live out Matthew 25 in my own life. By holding the hand of an elderly, declining patient with Alzheimer’s, I am (hopefully) being Jesus to them in their final weeks of life.
The second reason for this big shift in my life springs out of my own struggles with depression and loneliness. Over the past two years, all of my closest friends have either died or ditched me. Literally. It’s been brutal. As I’ve sought God in prayer and through Scripture during this season of being alone, I’ve sensed the Spirit telling me to focus on others who truly experience deep loneliness: the dying.
What I’ve discovered along the way is that we all can slow down and spend time listening to people who are not like us, especially when they are unable to leave their homes or their assisted-living facilities. There is a special grace to be experienced in simply being present for patients and compassionately listening.
I hope that this small new endeavor spreads love and hope into the lives of those facing hospice care in our area. And I hope to find healing in my own heart as I continue to extend a hand in love.